It seemed not soon after its announcement in 2015, with anticipation passing the time at an exceptionally fast rate, that the Moose Tour to Cape Town and Stellenbosch came around with the tour party assembling at Heathrow Terminal 3 to embark on the trip of a lifetime.

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Day 1
The party landed at Cape Town Airport and were greeted by Neil Watson, South African cricket supremo and all round top tour spearhead, and Taufeeq, the mercurial and extremely patient bus driver for the 10 days. It was here where Dan Bailey first showcased his talent for dreadful DJ-ing. First stop was a practice session at Western Province Cricket Club, a club with first class facilities and an even more spectacular backdrop. A quick change around was had including a healthy application of Factor 50 and James Hooper was tasked with warming up the troops after the long flight. The feeling of a genuine warm-up was foreign to many Moosey amongst us as certain individuals cut corners to save vital energy before the impending outdoor net session. The fielding and net practice hit standards not seen before by the group and a sense of excitement and optimism began to bubble within. A post session burger and swim revealed much to the squad, including the precocious midriff of Ogden Jr and the challenge that was presented to many of achieving a tan. Once settled and checked into the Breakwater Lodge Hotel, Moosey split in two for dinner with some taking the option of a regulation dinner and others, a curry. As the Castle lagers were sunk and the realisation of the value of sterling to the rand took hold, members of the squad had their dander up with many continuing on to some of Cape Town’s finest social hotspots, including the infamous Mavericks pole grinding club. Certain Moosey were led astray by a niche library contained within such a venue and indeed some were feeling more generous than most, Hooper buying a round of Slippery Nipples for the opportunistic Alex McDonald very late on.

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Day 2
Day broke early for Moosey and the bleary eyes attempted to depart for a visit to Table Mountain. It was here that the time keeping of Lewis Munro was laid to bear and caught the eye of the hawkish Club Captain and Chancellor, Rupe de Moose and Andy James. Notable absences from the trip were, unsurprisingly, Hooper and Rob Thomson, with even McDonald making it on board, albeit with a large degree of illness and extensive tales of the night before. The spectacular views of Table Mountain in the clearest and hottest of weather were taken in and were more than enough to inspire the team before their first match versus Cape Town CC. Moosey batted first, unsure of the conditions and what the opposition had in store for them. Indeed, the start was slow and Charlie Hinchliffe fell to a supreme error of judgment tying to pull a half volley. Stuart Morten showed great application and even hit a one bounce four, to rapturous teammate celebrations. Tight bowling and a lack of match practice saw Moosey struggle to gain real momentum in their innings, with Munro playing valiantly to take us through to 180 after 40 overs. The class of certain members of the Cape Town side was on show and their 1st team opener in particular appeared comfortable against some thoroughly decent Moose bowling. Some deserved reward was achieved and regular wickets were taken, only for the South African batting brutality to show itself with their middle order taking no prisoners. That said, the contest was taken into the deep stages and a flurry of wickets saw Moose in with a chance. Some panicking amongst the opposition saw them miss out on their chance and the game was tied. What followed was one of the best stunning session of fines known to man, with both teams congregating in the home changing room to savage the performance on and off the field of anyone in the room. Strict rules applied and appropriate punishment handed out for disobedience. Drunken team members then readied themselves for an excellent braai and head back to the hotel to prepare for evening activities. The hospitality provided by the hosts was simply fantastic and huge thanks go out to Cape Town CC.

Day 3
The patience of Club Captain and Chancellor was once again tested as poorly Moosey members stirred at a pace too slow to meet the arranged leaving time, Munro and McDonald once more at the forefront. Having checked into the hotel in Stellenbosch and welcomed Jo Butcher for his tour cameo, the Moose were to come across some predatory animals at the Aquila Game Reserve on safari. The late arrival flustered the organisers at the venue but the bargaining skills of the Chancellor ensured that a quick feed was had and the squad hit the dusty track into the park. The Big 5 game were all on show bar the Leopard, who had heard of Hooper’s first-night antics and run for the Reserve’s rescue sanctuary. Trevor the tour guide was an insightful and humorous presence, although struggled to not throw Adam Brawn to the Lions. Amazing animals were viewed including lions, elephants, buffalo and rhinos and the attempts of the park to maintain these beauties is a great story to hear. Once back at the hotel, a showered and hair-gelled Moosey set about the Stellenbosch streets, ones which accommodated 35,000 Saffer students. The oiseau watching and nostalgia of the student days got the Moose very excited with some serious schweffing on show, although curiosity met the decision of Charlie Butcher and Ogden Jr, two similarly predatory animals to the ones viewed earlier, to have a night in with numerous females their age and younger begging for their presence. Smooth operator Bailey was the instigator of a particularly nightmarish situation, promising Moosey the fruits of an afterparty in the middle of nowhere, only for the gullible parties to arrive and be denied entry by the stoic security guard.

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Day 4
The group awoke, stale as a month-old loaf, to be transported to Groot Drakenstein CC for the next fixture. Another spectacular place to play cricket greeted the tourists who were quick to fraternise with the opposition and take in the unrivalled surroundings. The Moose went out to bat against a mixed opening pair with the strapping Van Zyl providing the tour’s first glimpse of some South African pace. The quick, who took offence to the sight of no. 3 McDonald donning the cap against him was quick to bowl round the wicket at his armpit, with McDonald winning the battle, one hook shot off his nose to fine leg for four caught the eye in particular and earned the respect of the bowler. Enter Howie, who went on to play an innings that will go down in Moose history and compile 159, playing positively around the ground to start and then handing out brutal punishment to those who strayed of line and length late in his innings. Quite a stunning knock. Credit must be given to the pale bodies wandering around the boundary which some of the GD side labelled as ‘sightscreens’. He was ably supported and skipper H McGahan went in cockahoop with runs to play with. The opposition came out positively and obviously had individuals who could play, however the mammoth challenge proved too much for them and the Moose’s disciplined bowling chipped away regularly and the Moose ran out convincing victors, M McGahan displaying his skills in abundance. The post game fine session again proved a raving success and punishments were dished out for any misdemeanours, Watson taking an especially harsh line against Morten for his well documented dry spell. The braai was once again more than Moosey could have ever expected and the post match entertainment from the hosts was superb. Some joined RdM and James in the hotel bar for a night cap, others preferring to feast their eyes on the NZ v SA Test Match on the box.

Day 5
The Scorpions fixture was next and what seemed like a skeleton squad turned up that morning for the slightly different shuttle service to the ground, with none of the non-playing members choosing to arrive with the side to cheer them on as had been stipulated as compulsory by the Chairman and President prior to the tour. Moosey elected to bat first on a wicket that kept low and a stodgy start was made, Bailey and Kearney becoming even irate at the approach of the openers. Calm was restored on the boundary and once accustomed to the pitch, Moosey began to accelerate the scoring with Munro acting as the linchpin. The Scorpions tight bowling restricted Moosey to 185 and they faced an uphill job with perhaps 40 or 50 runs going begging. The start was bright with H McGahan skittling one opener with delivery of the tour. At this point the playing members were delighted to witness the arrival of the non-playing squad, fresh from their round of golf and boozy lunch. The middle overs saw momentum shift to the home side with former London Schools batsman harasser Brawn struggling for rhythm and the spinners unable to thwart the home side’s progress. Wickets did fall and chances were missed, but the Moose fell short and the home side finished in style with one opener carrying his bat for 100*. Post match awards were discussed between the skippers with the Scorpions upholding a tradition of awarding T-Shirts to those Moose players who played an important role. Special note here goes to Thomson for worst drop of the tour and the aptly named T-Shirt, “Sorry skipper, the sun was in my eyes”. A top notch brain was had and Hinchliffe was opportunistic in fining the late arrivals for poor commitment. The wonderfully named Bird Street was visited once more by the squad and some extreme shapes were thrown to some trance and strobe lighting, Munro and Morten behaving the most cheekily, Moosey at times wondering if they were developing epilepsy.

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Day 6
What Moosey needed the least took place on Day 6 around Paarl and Franschoek - a wine tour. The squad benefitted from two tasting sessions with different accompaniments, firstly avec fromage and secondly without. The wonderful settings of the Franshoek vineyard were stunning and an extravagant picnic was taken for lunch. The discovery of a football within the grounds excited the soccer Moose and even within the grounds of a vineyard, the Brits in the area managed to gather for an epic game of BUMS and drink beer. Sun-kissed and verging on hungover following an exceptional day out, the Moose boarded the tour wagon to return to Cape Town for the remainder of the tour. 

 

Day 7
The Moose awoke before their penultimate match and following another hearty breakfast were in the company of Taufeeq who drove the chariot to the Constantia area of Cape Town. This was the venue for Moose vs Claremont CC, a spectacular club that neighbours the Gary Kirsten Academy. Wandering around the ground the squad knew they were in for a tough match at a club where Justin Kemp is head coach, and it wasn’t long before the honours board was spotted with names such as Jacques Kallis and Gary Kirsten standing out amongst other high profile names. The home side batted first and the start saw the game nicely balanced, their openers showing intent on a superbly flat pitch and the bowlers also getting something out of the pitch, Ogden Jr dismissing one opener with one particular peach and M McGahan bowling an excellent spell for his full eight. The Moose then could not seem to maintain such discipline in the field and the fielders struggled to back up their bowlers. Simple catches were dropped and it was evident that the yummy mummies making their way to the next door Virgin Active, yoga mats n’ all, were too much of a distraction for the likes of Butcher and Bailey. The two younger Claremont batsmen enjoyed the older ball and savaged the Moose attack at times, Kearney’s figures taking a walloping in his second spell. Moosey finished with several late wickets but the damage had been done with over 300 set as the target to win. Some much needed hydration was taken and Moosey set about the chase. Special mention here goes to the poor show from Bailey in snicking off and not walking, the opposition giving a barrage of much deserved abuse. No Moosey batsmen could get settled despite a flat pitch and it was only Hooper, batting lower down the order, who showed what could have been as he peppered the cover boundary in a smart looking innings of 44. The clubs 1st team leg spinner especially looked a class apart. Moosey fell 120 runs short at the close and convened for yet another outstanding show of hospitality from the hosts, an amazing brai made and lots of laughs had. It was here that Bailey finally admitted to his earlier misdemeanour and donned the dick of the day mantle.

Day 8
The squad had mostly decided to keep their powder dry the night following the Claremont match with the Moose splintering into two groups on Day 8 - the golfers and the shark cage divers. The braver Moose, namely Hinchliffe, Kearney, Morten and McDonald, were up at the crack of dawn to depart for the shark infested waters of Kleinbaai, a three hour drive from Cape Town. Here the divers were not only able to see McDonald in his natural habitat but also had the pleasure of the presence of three great white sharks over two hours, an adrenaline rush to say the least. The rest of the group gathered their sticks and head to Erinvale Golf Club for a round on one of the most picturesque courses going. Special mention goes to favourites and eventual winners, Ogden Jr and Bailey, closest to the pin Adam Brawn and longest drive H McGahan. Moosey reconvened at the Radisson Blu hotel on the Waterfront, where the Chairman was residing, for the Chairman’s Tour drinks. Quite the spread was put on as the golfers and sharkers tried to outdo each other with tales of the day. The Moose couldn’t turn down the chance of a fruity penultimate night on tour and were soon hitting the drinking holes of Bree Street. For some this was a night to behold and even for a man of such expertise, Morten was at the forefront of open mindedness and getting up to things he never thought possible.

 

Day 9
The final game of the tour was against Western Province Cricket Club whose skipper was none other than Morten’s arch nemesis, Neil Watson. Following his action packed night, Morten was looking forward to watching the unaware Watson slip up during fines. Moosey fielded first on a scorching hot day and showed good discipline consistent with a side who were beginning to get into their stride. Some promising looking WPCC batsmen came and went without causing too much damage, and a late flurry of runs took them to 200 from their 40 overs. Moosey started well with Munro continuing his good form and Howie also showing signs of his Groot Drakenstein form. Some late wickets were cause for certain nerves however H McGahan managed the side home in the last over, a game that was always the Moose’s but which was not won as early as expected. Another brilliant fines session was held with our excellent hosts, however vilification was directed Butcher’s way as he divulged Morten’s success the previous evening to the oblivious and surely plotting Watson. The squad then put their faces and number ones on to prepare for the tour dinner, held in the Pavilion at Newlands Cricket Ground. The team was plied with food and wine whilst taking in the ground at night. A tour of the Pavilion was provided by Munro and Kearney who can now say they have romped (each other) on the massage table at Newlands. The bus was scrambled onto and all were taken back to the hotel. With some weary eyes, many thought it impossible to carry on through the night, however in true Moosey spirit there was a quick turnaround and back into Cape Town for one last hurrah, without a certain Club Secretary, mind you. Soon enough the team were back in the swing of things, Munro invading a Hen Do and Thomson showcasing dance moves that appear physically impossible. The night was danced away to some hardcore techno and despite a near ruckus at the nearest KFC, all members returned safely to base.

Day 10
And so it was the Moose had to wake to one more perfect sunny day in Cape Town only to begin packing their bags. Different directions were pursued as last minute gifts for the better halves were sought after. Following some rash purchases, Moosey frequented the Grand Cafe beach club once more for drinks and lunch in the sun. Despite Bailey being reprimanded for blowing his nose, more fun was had as tour drew to a close. It was here that the squad said goodbye to Neil Watson, a true champion of South African cricket and forever a Moose legend. Neil’s organisation and presence were invaluable to the tour and it was with great sadness that we bid him farewell. As the bill was paid and we embarked the tour wagon one last time with Taufeeq at the helm, Moosey had one last chance to take in the beauty and charm of South Africa. The squad were not only blessed to have played on some of the world’s most stunning grounds but also struck gold with some of the finest hospitality most will ever have the pleasure of experiencing. The South African people showed us nothing but great times and we were truly grateful for it all. Thanks finally to Club Captain Rupert Harris for his expert marshalling of the troops, Chancellor Andy James for tour management and putting up with the looser time scheduling of the younger Moose, and Chairman Nick Ogden, for designing the tour and enabling the rest of us have the times of our lives amongst great friends.

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